round a Trashin Masheen. You went in at the place where they put
the grain in, cum out with the straw, and you got up into the
thingamyjig, and let the horses tred on you, didn't you, my son?"

The pen of no liven Orthur could describe that disfortnit young
man's sittywation more clearer. But I was sorry for him, and I
went and nussed him till he got well. His reg'lar original
father being absent to the war, I told him I'd be a father to him
myself. He smilt a sickly smile, and said I'd already been wus
than two fathers to him.

I will here obsarve that fitin orter be allus avided, excep in
extreem cases. My principle is, if a man smites me on the right
cheek I'll turn my left to him, prob'ly; but if he insinooates
that my gran'mother wasn't all right, I'll punch his hed. But
fitin is mis'ble bisniss, gen'rally speakin, and whenever any
enterprisin countryman of mine cums over here to scoop up a
Briton in the prize ring I'm allus excessively tickled when he
gets scooped hisself, which it is a sad fack has thus far been
the case--my only sorrer bein' that t'other feller wasn't scooped
likewise. It's diff'rently with scullin boats, which is a manly
sport, and I can only explain Mr. Hamil's resunt defeat in this
country on the grounds that he wasn't used to British water. I
hope this explanation will be entirely satisfact'ry to all.

As I remarked afore, I'm gettin' on well. I'm aware that I'm in
the great metrop'lis of the world, and it doesn't make me onhappy
to admit the fack. A man is a ass who dispoots it. That's all
that ails HIM. I know there is sum peple who cum over here and
snap and snarl 'bout this and that: I know one man who says it