I wrote out my impromptoo speech severil days beforehand bein very
careful to expunge all ingramatticisms and payin particuler
attention to the punktooation. It was, if I may say it without
egitism, a manly effort; but, alars! I never delivered it, as the
sekel will show you. I paced up and down the kitchin speakin my
piece over so as to be entirely perfeck. My bloomin young daughter,
Sarah Ann, bothered me summut by singin, "Why do summer roses fade?"

"Because," said I, arter hearin her sing it about fourteen times,
"because it's their biz! Let 'em fade!"

"Betsy," said I, pausin in the middle of the room and letting my
eagle eye wander from the manuscrip--"Betsy, on the night of this
here serenade, I desires you to appear at the winder dressed in
white, and wave a lily-white handkercher. D'ye hear?"

"If I appear," said that remarkable female, "I shall wave a
lily-white bucket of bilin hot water, and somebody will be scalded.
One bald-headed old fool will get HIS share."

She refer'd to her husband. No doubt about it in my mind. But for
fear she might exasperate me I said nothin.

The expected night cum. At nine o'clock precisely there was sounds
of footsteps in the yard, and the Band struck up a lively air, which
when they did finish it, there was cries of "Ward! Ward!" I stept
out onto the portico. A brief glance showed me that the assemblage
was summut mixed. There was a great many ragged boys, and there was
quite a number of grown-up persons evigently under the affluence of
the intoxicatin bole. The Band was also drunk. Dr. Schwazey, who