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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 13 of 76 (17%)
was holdin up a post, seemed to be partic'ly drunk--so much so that
it had got into his spectacles, which were staggerin wildly over his
nose. But I was in for it, and I commenced:--

"Feller Citizens,--For this onexpected honor--"

LEADER OF THE BAND.--Will you give us our money now, or wait till
you git through?"

To this painful and disgustin interruption I paid no attention.

"--for this onexpected honor, I thank you."

LEADER OF THE BAND.--"But you said you'd give us seven dollars if
we'd play two choons."

Again I didn't notice him, but resumed as follows:--

"I say, I thank you warmly. When I look at this crowd of true
Americans, my heart swells--"

DR. SCHWAZEY.--"So do I!"

A VOICE.--"We all do!"

"--my heart swells--"

A VOICE.--"Three cheers for the swells."

"We live," said I, "in troublous times, but I hope we shall again
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