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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 21 of 76 (27%)
the parturient mountain," whatever their folly may yet lead
them to effect of a more serious nature in time to come. As a
curiosity of literature, worthy of being preserved for the
amusement of posterity, a leading article on the Fenians,
extracted from a New York paper of most extensive circulation, is
given below. Such another "leader" as the one here given could
not be met with in the press of any land in the world, except in
that of the United States.

"THE FENIAN TROUBLES AT AN END--THE HEAD CENTRE VICTORIOUS.

"The unmitigated blackguards and miserable spalpeens who
raised the standard of revolt against the brave and gallant
O'Mahony are knocked into the most infinitesimal
smithereens, and chawed up until there is not as much left
of them as remained after the tooth-and-nail conflict of the
Kilkenny cats. The blessed and holy St Patrick (may the
heavens be his bed in glory!) never more thoroughly
extinguished the toads, snakes, bedbugs, mosquitoes, and
varmint in general, which he drove out of Ould Ireland, than
O'Mahony, the gallant Head Centre, squelched, exterminated,
crushed out, and extinguished the cantankerous Senators and
rebellious disciples of the brotherhood who thought to
clutch the evergreen laurels and verdant greenbacks with
which a patriotic and confiding people have encircled his
brow and lined his wallet. As the blessed St Patrick afore
said compelled the varmints to betake themselves to the
swamps and morasses, and `chased the frogs into the bogs,'
so the redoubtable 0'Mahony has compelled the rebellious
Fenians to hide their diminished heads and betake themselves
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