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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 22 of 76 (28%)
to the recesses of oblivion, where their contortions will be
watched by the observer of futurity, as the visitors of
Blarney Castle are edified by the gambols of the 'comely
eels in the verdant mud.' The brave 0'Mahony has come forth
from the contest like gold from the crucible, or whisky from
the still, purified, etherealised, and elevated, while his
antagonists have shrunk away like dross or swill, never more
to mingle with the Olympian deliberation, and Jove-like
councils of the Moffatt Mansion. Instead of participating
in these august deliberations, they will go back to their
shanties, and there behold the glories they are unworthy to
share. As if the O'Mahony bludgeon had not knocked the
breath completely out of the revolters, the idolised
Stephens, who, like the Roman Curtius, jumped into the gulf
of Irish nationality, published a letter and a proclamation
which must satisfy the public that the recreants 'kilt
intirely,' and may as well give their neighbours a pleasant
wake and a decent burial as expect to survive the period of
their inevitable dissolution. His proclamation comes down
on them like a shillaly in Donnybrook; and if it does not
ventilate their skulls, it is because those cranial
envelopes are as impervious to physical force as to the
gentle influence of reason or patriotism. Having demolished
the rebellious Senate and their backers, the next thing
0'Mahony has to do is to wipe out the bloody Saxon and
re-establish the nationality of the Emerald Isle as it
existed in the days of Brian Boru. As Queen Victoria is a
woman, we do not expect to see her locked up like Jeff.
Davis, but she will be allowed to emigrate to New York, and
open a boarding-school or a dry-goods store, where she will
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