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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 36 of 76 (47%)
of which is a little wuss than the other if possible!

"Tell E. Stanton that his boldness, honesty, and vigger merits all
praise, but to keep his under-garments on. E. Stanton has
appeerently only one weakness, which it is, he can't allus keep his
under-garments from flyin up over his hed. I mean that he
occasionally dances in a peck-measure, and he don't look graceful at
it."

I took my departer. "Good-bye, old sweetness!" sed Abe, shakin me
cordgully by the hand.

"Adoo, my Prahayrie flower!" I replied, and made my exit.
"Twenty-five thousand dollars a year and found," I soliloquized, as
I walked down the street, "is putty good wages for a man with a
modist appytite, but I reckon that it is wuth it to run the White
House."

"What you bowt, sah? What the debble you doin, sah?"

It was the voice of an Afrikin Brother which thus spoke to me.
There was a cullud procession before me which was escortin a elderly
bald-hedded Afrikin to his home in Bates Alley. This distinguished
Afrikin Brother had just returned from Lybery, and in turnin a
corner puty suddent I hed stumbled and placed my hed agin his
stummick in a rather strengthy manner.

"Do you wish to impede the progress of this procession, sah?"

"Certainly not, by all means! Procesh!"
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