England. To write a comic itinerary of an English tour was one of
the author's favorite ideas; and another favorite one was to travel
on the Continent and compile a comic "Murray's Guide." No interest
attaches to this mere scrap other than that it exemplifies what the
writer would have attempted had his life been longer.]

* * * * *

At North Berwick there was a maniacal stampede toward the little
house by the railside, where they sell such immense quantities of
sponge-cake, which is very sweet and very yellow, but which lies
rather more heavily on the stomach than raw turnips, as I
ascertained one day from actual experience. This is not stated
because I have any spite against this little house by the railside.
Their mince-pies are nobly made, and their apple-pies are
unsurpassed. Some years ago there used to be a very pretty girl at
this house, and one day, while I was struggling rapidly with a piece
of mince-pie, I was so unfortunate as to wink slightly at her. The
rash act was discovered by a yellow-haired party, who stated that
she was to be his wife ere long, and that he "expected" he could
lick any party who winked at her. A cursory examination of his
frame convinced me that he could lick me with disgustin ease, so I
told him it was a complaint of the eyes. "They are both so," I
added, "and they have been so from infancy's hour. See here!" And
I commenced winking in a frightful manner. I escaped, but it was
inconvenient for me for some time afterwards, because whenever I
passed over the road I naturally visited the refreshment house, and
was compelled to wink in a manner which took away the appetites of
other travellers, and one day caused a very old lady to state, with
her mouth full of sponge-cake, that she had cripples and drunkards