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The Complete Works of Artemus Ward — Part 7: Miscellaneous by Artemus Ward
page 8 of 76 (10%)
Hon'ble Amos Perkins, who was a Railroad President, and a great
person in them parts. But it appeared I had shown the same figger
for a Pirut named Gibbs in that town the previs season, which
created a intense toomult, & the audience remarked "shame onto me,"
& other statements of the same similarness. I tried to mollify em.
I told 'em that any family possessin children might have my she
tiger to play with half a day, & I wouldn't charge 'em a cent, but
alars! it was of no avail. I was forced to leave, & I infer from a
article in the "Advertiser" of that town, in which the Editer says,
"Atho' time has silvered this man's hed with its frosts, he still
brazenly wallows in infamy. Still are his snakes stuffed, and his
wax works unrelible. We are glad that he has concluded never to
revisit our town, altho', incredible as it may appear, the fellow
really did contemplate so doing last summer, when, still true to the
craven instincts of his black heart, he wrote the hireling knaves of
the obscure journal across the street to know what they would charge
for 400 small bills, to be done on yellow paper! We shall recur to
this matter again!"

I say, I infer from this article that a prejudiss still exists agin
me in that town.

I will not speak of my once bein in straitend circumstances in a
sertin town, and of my endeaverin to accoomulate welth by lettin
myself to Sabbath School picnics to sing ballads adapted to the
understandins of little children, accompanyin myself on a
claironett--which I forgot where I was one day, singing, instid of
"Oh, how pleasant to be a little child,"

"Rip slap--set em up again,
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