Right in the middle of a three-cent pie,"

which mistake, added to the fact that I couldn't play onto the
claironett except makin it howl dismal, broke up the picnic, and
children said, in voices choked with sobs and emotions, where was
their home and where was their Pa? and I said, Be quiet, dear
children, I am your Pa, which made a young woman with two twins by
her side say very angryly, "Good heavens forbid you should ever be
the Pa of any of these innocent ones, unless it is much desirable
for them to expire igminyusly upon to a murderer's gallus!"

I say I will not speak of this. Let it be Berrid into Oblivyun.

In your article, Mr. Editer, please tell him what sort of a man I
am.

If you see fit to kriticise my Show speak your mind freely. I do
not object to kriticism. Tell the public, in a candid and graceful
article, that my Show abounds in moral and startlin cooriosities,
any one of whom is wuth dubble the price of admission.

I hav thus far spoke of myself excloosivly as a exhibiter.

I was born in the State of Maine of parents. As a infant I
attracted a great deal of attention. The nabers would stand over my
cradle for hours and say, "How bright that little face looks! How
much it nose!" The young ladies would carry me round in their arms,
sayin I was muzzer's bezzy darlin and a sweety 'eety 'ittle ting.
It was nice, tho' I wasn't old enuf to properly appreciate it. I'm
a healthy old darlin now.