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Letters to His Son on the Art of Becoming a Man of the World and a Gentleman, 1753-54 by Earl of Philip Dormer Stanhope Chesterfield
page 11 of 61 (18%)
establish yourself, with a kind of domestic familiarity, in good houses.
For instance, go again to Orli, for two or three days, and so at two or
three 'reprises'. Go and stay two or three days at a time at Versailles,
and improve and extend the acquaintance you have there. Be at home at St.
Cloud; and, whenever any private person of fashion invites you to, pass a
few days at his country-house, accept of the invitation. This will
necessarily give you a versatility of mind, and a facility to adopt
various manners and customs; for everybody desires to please those in
whose house they are; and people are only to be pleased in their own way.
Nothing is more engaging than a cheerful and easy conformity to people's
particular manners, habits, and even weaknesses; nothing (to use a vulgar
expression) should come amiss to a young fellow. He should be, for good
purposes, what Alcibiades was commonly for bad ones, a Proteus, assuming
with ease, and wearing with cheerfulness, any shape. Heat, cold, luxury,
abstinence, gravity, gayety, ceremony, easiness, learning, trifling,
business, and pleasure, are modes which he should be able to take, lay
aside, or change occasionally, with as much ease as he would take or lay
aside his hat. All this is only to be acquired by use and knowledge of
the world, by keeping a great deal of company, analyzing every character,
and insinuating yourself into the familiarity of various acquaintance. A
right, a generous ambition to make a figure in the world, necessarily
gives the desire of pleasing; the desire of pleasing points out, to a
great degree, the means of doing it; and the art of pleasing is, in
truth, the art of rising, of distinguishing one's self, of making a
figure and a fortune in the world. But without pleasing, without the
graces, as I have told you a thousand times, 'ogni fatica e vana'. You
are now but nineteen, an age at which most of your countrymen are
illiberally getting drunk in port, at the university. You have greatly
got the start of them in learning; and if you can equally get the start
of them in the knowledge and manners of the world, you may be very sure
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