AUGUSTUS. Shot an Englishman!

THE CLERK. Well, it stands to reason if the Germans wanted to spy
they wouldn't employ a German that everybody would suspect, don't
it?

AUGUSTUS [rising again]. Do you mean to say, you scoundrel, that
an Englishman is capable of selling his country to the enemy for
gold?

THE CLERK. Not as a general thing I wouldn't say it; but there's
men here would sell their own mothers for two coppers if they got
the chance.

AUGUSTUS. Beamish, it's an ill bird that fouls its own nest.

THE CLERK. It wasn't me that let Little Pifflington get foul. I
don't belong to the governing classes. I only tell you why you
can't have no rolls.

AUGUSTUS [intensely irritated]. Can you tell me where I can find
an intelligent being to take my orders?

THE CLERK. One of the street sweepers used to teach in the school
until it was shut up for the sake of economy. Will he do?

AUGUSTUS. What! You mean to tell me that when the lives of the
gallant fellows in our trenches, and the fate of the British
Empire, depend on our keeping up the supply of shells, you are