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Augustus Does His Bit by George Bernard Shaw
page 28 of 35 (80%)

AUGUSTUS. Keep your impertinent surmises to yourself, sir.
Remember that you are in the army now; and let me have no more of
your civilian insubordination. Attention! Left turn! Quick march!

THE CLERK [stolidly]. I dunno what you mean.

AUGUSTUS. Go to the guard-room and report yourself for disobeying
orders. Now do you know what I mean?

THE CLERK. Now look here. I ain't going to argue with you--

AUGUSTUS. Nor I with you. Out with you.

He seizes the clerk: and rushes him through the door. The moment
the lady is left alone, she snatches a sheet of official paper
from the stationery rack: folds it so that it resembles the list;
compares the two to see that they look exactly alike: whips the
list into her wallet: and substitutes the facsimile for it. Then
she listens for the return of Augustus. A crash is heard, as of
the clerk falling downstairs.

Augustus returns and is about to close the door when the voice of
the clerk is heard from below.

THE CLERK. I'll have the law of you for this, I will.

AUGUSTUS [shouting down to him]. There's no more law for you, you
scoundrel. You're a soldier now. [He shuts the door and comes to
the lady.] Thank heaven, the war has given us the upper hand of
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