Why should not every poor person expect that it is quite possible
that the luck may fall to him of being one of those with whom I shall
amuse myself by distributing my superfluous money? And so all look
upon me as the cook's wife did.

And I had gone so far astray that this taking of thousands from the
poor with one hand, and this flinging of kopeks with the other, to
those to whom the whim moved me to give, I called good. No wonder
that I felt ashamed.] {17}

Yes, before doing good it was needful for me to stand outside of
evil, in such conditions that I might cease to do evil. But my whole
life is evil. I may give away a hundred thousand rubles, and still I
shall not be in a position to do good because I shall still have five
hundred thousand left. Only when I have nothing shall I be in a
position to do the least particle of good, even as much as the
prostitute did which she nursed the sick women and her child for
three days. And that seemed so little to me! And I dared to think
of good myself! That which, on the first occasion, told me, at the
sight of the cold and hungry in the Lyapinsky house, that I was to
blame for this, and that to live as I live is impossible, and
impossible, and impossible,--that alone was true.

What, then, was I to do?



CHAPTER XVI.