remind him of it. The rule for the giver and receiver of a benefit
is, that the one should straightway forget that he has given, the
other should never forget that he has received it.

XI. A constant reference to one's own services wounds our friend's
feelings. Like the man who was saved from the proscription under
the triumvirate by one of Caesar's friends, and afterwards found it
impossible to endure his preserver's arrogance, they wish to cry,
"Give me back to Caesar." How long will you go on saying, "I saved
you, I snatched you from the jaws of death?" This is indeed life,
if I remember it by my own will, but death if I remember it at
yours; I owe you nothing, if you saved me merely in order to have
some one to point at. How long do you mean to lead me about? how
long do you mean to forbid me to forget my adventure? If I had been
a defeated enemy, I should have been led in triumph but once. We
ought not to speak of the benefits which we have conferred; to
remind men of them is to ask them to return them. We should not
obtrude them, or recall the memory of them; you should only remind
a man of what you have given him by giving him something else. We
ought not even to tell others of our good deeds. He who confers a
benefit should be silent, it should be told by the receiver; for
otherwise you may receive the retort which was made to one who was
everywhere boasting of the benefit which he had conferred: "You
will not deny," said his victim, "that you have received a return
for it?" "When?" asked he. "Often," said the other, "and in many
places, that is, wherever and whenever you have told the story."
What need is there for you to speak, and to take the place which
belongs to another? There is a man who can tell the story in a way
much more to your credit, and thus you will gain glory for not
telling it your self. You would think me ungrateful if, through