them does not exalt himself over me, but shows as much good feeling
as possible, placing himself on a level with me, giving without
parade, and choosing a time when I am glad of his help, rather than
waiting till I am in the bitterest need. The only way by which you
can prevail upon proud men not to spoil their gifts by their
arrogance is by proving to them that benefits do not appear greater
because they are bestowed with great pomp and circumstance; that no
one will think them greater men for so doing, and that excessive
pride is a mere delusion which leads men to hate even what they
ought to love.

XIV. There are some things which injure those who receive them,
things which it is not a benefit to give but to withhold; we should
therefore consider the usefulness of our gift rather than the wish
of the petitioner to receive it; for we often long for hurtful
things, and are unable to discern how ruinous they are, because our
judgment is biassed by our feelings; when, however, the longing is
past, when that frenzied impulse which masters our good sense has
passed away, we abhor those who have given us hurtful gifts. As we
refuse cold water to the sick, or swords to the grief-stricken or
remorseful, and take from the insane whatever they might in their
delirium use to their own destruction, so must we persist in
refusing to give anything whatever that is hurtful, although our
friends earnestly and humbly, nay, sometimes even most piteously
beg for it. We ought to look at the end of our benefits as well
as the beginning, and not merely to give what men are glad to
receive, but what they will hereafter be glad to have received.
There are many who say, "I know that this will do him no good, but
what am I to do? he begs for it, I cannot withstand his entreaties.
Let him see to it; he will blame himself, not me." Not so: you he