charming ideas I had indulged so affectionately, disappear entirely; and
I, who even from childhood had not been able to consider my existence for
a moment as separate from hers, for the first time saw myself utterly
alone. This moment was dreadful, and those that succeeded it were ever
gloomy. I was yet young, but the pleasing sentiments of enjoyment and
hope, which enliven youth, were extinguished. From that hour my
existence seemed half annihilated. I contemplated in advance the
melancholy remains of an insipid life, and if at any time an image of
happiness glanced through my mind, it was not that which appeared natural
to me, and I felt that even should I obtain it I must still be wretched.

I was so dull of apprehension, and my confidence in her was so great,
that, notwithstanding the familiar tone of the new-comer, which I looked
on as an effect of the easy disposition of Madam de Warrens, which
rendered her free with everyone, I never should have suspected his real
situation had not she herself informed me of it; but she hastened to make
this avowal with a freedom calculated to inflame me with resentment,
could my heart have turned to that point. Speaking of this connection as
quite immaterial with respect to herself, she reproached me with
negligence in the care of the family, and mentioned my frequent absence,
as though she had been in haste to supply my place. "Ah!" said I, my
heart bursting with the most poignant grief, "what do you dare to inform
me of? Is this the reward of an attachment like mine? Have you so many
times preserved my life, for the sole purpose of taking from me all that
could render it desirable? Your infidelity will bring me to the grave,
but you will regret my loss!" She answered with a tranquillity
sufficient to distract me, that I talked like a child; that people did
not die from such slight causes; that our friendship need be no less
sincere, nor we any less intimate, for that her tender attachment to me
could neither diminish nor end but with herself; in a word she gave me to