first act was to call together the legislature of the State in
special session, and the following act was rushed through:

AN ACT

Severing relations with Nature, and amending the principles and
processes of the same in so far as they contravene the
Constitution of the United States and the tenets of the Pan-Antis:

WHEREAS, in accordance with the Declaration of Gindependence, it
may become necessary for a people to dissolve the alcoholic bands
which have connected them with one another and to assume among the
powers of the earth the sobriety to which the laws of pessimism
entitle them, a decent disrespect to the opinions of drinkers
requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to
drouth.

WHEREAS we hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are
created sober, and are endowed with certain inalienable rights,
such as Life, Grievances, and the Pursuit of Other People's
Happiness. Whenever any form of amusement becomes destructive of
these ends, it is the right of the Pan-Antis to abolish it.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that beverages long established
should not be abolished for light and transient causes. But when
it is evident that Nature herself is in conspiracy against the
Constitution of the United States, and that millions of so-called
human beings have found in forbidden tipples a cause for mirth and
merriment, it is time to call a halt to malt, and have no parley
with barley.