hoped it would transfer the hidden secrets of his heart to the light
of day, since nothing pleased him more than a recital of the sorrows
of the forlorn ambitious. And here he of the swine, and he of the
tin traps, continued to converse most strangely, the latter
sympathizing with every new sorrow, of which the former seemed to
have a never ending supply. "Being in a remote village of
Pennsylvania," resumed he of the sorrows, "and having neither trade
nor friends, I thought to get my living by teaching school; but the
shafts of scandal followed me, and the honest and simple-minded
villagers thought it wise not to have their children taught by one
who had attempted the virtue of an innocent. I saw nothing but to
take to politics, which I did much against my sense of self respect,
it being a profession requiring those who followed it to live a
vagabond life, as well as to become the associate of vagabonds and
mischief making priests. I took a strong part in a presidential
campaign" ("Jist like me," interrupted the major), "and being on the
successful side, as wise men always are, I went to Washington in the
hope that my services would be rewarded by a grateful government.
But in this there was a mistake, for the government seemed to have
forgotten every thing but the slanders against my character; and
though the hussy whose oath had sealed my doom was removed to
Washington, where she was atoning for her outraged virtue by
practicing the arts of the fair but frail, it neither lessened the
sting of my misfortunes, nor restored me my character. She had sworn
falsely, when her morals were no better than they should be. She now
offered to do me justice by swearing to the truth; but so public had
become the character she bore, that though she might swear to the
truth of her own falsehood a thousand times, no one would believe
her. It was curious to see the anomaly of my position; for while I
could have poured out a flood of lamentations at the want of virtue