a gag in the fewest words possible. If you can cut out one word
from any of my gags and not destroy it, I'll give you five dollars,
and it'll be worth fifty to me to lose it. "You can kill the whole
point of a gag by merely an unnecessary word. For instance, let
us suppose the point of a gag is 'and he put the glass there';
well, you won't get a laugh if you say, 'and then he picked the
glass up and put it there.' Only a few words more--but words are
costly.

"Take another example. Here's one of my best gags, a sure-fire
laugh if told this way:

"O'Brien was engaged by a farmer to milk cows and do chores. There
were a hundred and fifty cows, and three men did the milking. It
was hard work, but the farmer was a kind-hearted, progressive man,
so when he went to town and saw some milking-stools he bought three
and gave 'em to the men to sit down on while at work. The other
two men came back delighted, but not O'Brien. At last he appeared,
all cut-up, and holding one leg of the stool.

"'What's the matter?' said the farmer.

"'Nothing, only I couldn't make the cow sit down on it.'

"When I tell it this way it invariably gets a big laugh. Now
here's the way I once heard a 'chooser' [1] do it.

[1] _Chooser_--one who chooses some part of another performer's act
and steals it for his own use.