it pierces into the very heart of my life. I must leave the country
which has become my home, the city where prejudice and enmity greeted me,
and where I have now obtained the position that befits me. A venerable
sick man is in my house, longing for the return of the nurse who left him
for your sake. My poor--The rest that I must cast aside and abandon is
more than I can enumerate now. Nor could I, this request bewilders me so
--Give rue a little time to collect my thoughts, for you see--But if you
look at me so, John, I can--Yet no!--It certainly is not necessary that I
should say yes or no at once. I must first learn whether you--whether
the sacrifice I made for your glory and grandeur--it was in Landshut,
you know--whether it was really so useless, whether you are in reality as
unhappy as you, the fame-crowned, beloved, and lauded child of an
Emperor, would have me believe, or whether--Forgive me, John, but before
I make this terribly difficult decision I must--yes, I must see clearly.
As surely as your hero soul harbours no falsity, it would be unworthy of
you to show your mother a distorted image of your inner life; you must
confess whether you--"

"Whether," Don John, with a smile of sorrowful bitterness, here
interrupted the deeply troubled woman--"whether, in order to soften your
heart, I am not painting in blacker colours than reality requires. Oh,
how little you know me yet! I would rather this tongue should wither
than that I should unchivalrously permit it to deviate one straw's
breadth from the truth in order to attain a selfish purpose. No, mother!
My description of the grief which often overpowers this soul was far too
lukewarm. If your first sacrifice was intended to make me a happy man,
its effect was no stronger than the light of the candle which is burned
amid the radiance of the noonday sun. Perhaps I should have been happier
had I been allowed to grow up in modest circumstances under your tender
care; for then my course would have been long and steep, and I should