be face to face with myself, and God, if possible! I have come to
the conclusion that I can do anything I must do. I think (I am not
sure) I could give you up, if I were obliged to, and go away by
myself and try alone. If I do not have you, I must have solitude.

XVIII

MY DEAREST CORYDON:

Thinking about my work this morning, and how hard it was, and how
much strength it would take, my thoughts turned to you, and I
discovered, as never before, just how I like to think of you. It
seemed to me that you were part of the raw material that I had to
use; that I had mastered you, and was going to make you what you had
to be. And there woke in my heart at those words a fierceness of
purpose that I had never felt in my life before--I was quite mad
with it; and you cried out to escape me, but I would not let you go,
but held you right tightly in my arms. And so--I do not mean to let
you go! I shall bear you away with me, and make you what I wish. And
the promise of marriage that I make you is just this: not that I
love you--I do not love you; but what I wish the woman to be whom I
am to love--that I will make you!

And do not ever dare to ask me for any other promise, for you will
not get it. You will come with this.

XIX

MY THYRSIS: