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Mrs. Caudle's Curtain Lectures by Douglas William Jerrold
page 147 of 184 (79%)
see it--it's stopping the children's growth; they'll be dwarfs, and
have their father to thank for it. If you'd the heart of a parent,
you couldn't bear to look at their white faces. Dear little Dick! he
makes no breakfast. What!

"HE ATE SIX SLICES THIS MORNING?

"A pretty father you must be to count 'em. But that's nothing to
what the dear child could do, if, like other children, he'd a fair
chance.

"Ha! and when we could be so comfortable! But it's always the case,
you never will be comfortable with me. How nice and fresh you'd come
up to business every morning; and what pleasure it would be for me to
put a tulip or a pink in your button-hole, just, as I may say, to
ticket you from the country.

"But then, Caudle, you never were like any other man! But I know why
you won't leave London. Yes, I know. Then, you think, you couldn't
go to your filthy club--that's it. Then you'd be obliged to be at
home, like any other decent man. Whereas you might, if you liked,
enjoy yourself under your own apple-tree, and I'm sure I should never
say anything about your tobacco out of doors. My only wish is to
make you happy, Caudle, and you won't let me do it.

"You don't speak, love? Shall I look about a house to-morrow? It
will be a broken day with me, for I'm going out to have little pet's
ears bored--What?

"YOU WON'T HAVE HER EARS BORED?
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