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America, through the spectacles of an Oriental diplomat by Tingfang Wu
page 88 of 186 (47%)
as to the character, position, and suitability of temper and disposition
of the persons for whom the marriage contract is being prepared.
This is sometimes done with the knowledge of the interested parties,
but very often they are not consulted. After an engagement is thus made
it cannot be broken off, not even by the young people themselves,
even though he or she may plead that the arrangement was made without
his or her knowledge or consent. The engagement is considered by all parties
as a solemn compact. On the wedding day, in nine cases out of ten,
the bride and bridegroom meet each other for the first time,
and yet they live contentedly, and quite often even happily together.
Divorces in China are exceedingly rare. This is accounted for
by the fact that through the wise control of their parents
the children are properly mated. In saying this I do not wish to be supposed
to be advocating the introduction of the Chinese system into America.
I would, however, point out that the independent and thoughtless way
in which the American young people take on themselves the marriage vow
does not as a rule result in suitable companionships.
When a girl falls in love with a young man she is unable to perceive
his shortcomings and vices, and when, after living together for a few months,
she begins to find them out, it is alas too late. If, previous to
her engagement, she had taken her mother into her confidence,
and asked her to use her good offices to find out the character
of the young man whom she favored, a fatal and unhappy mistake
might have been avoided. Without interfering, in the least,
with the liberty or free choice, I should think it would be a good policy
if all young Americans, before definitely committing themselves
to a promise of marriage, would at least consult their mothers,
and ask them to make private and confidential inquiries as to the disposition,
as well as to the moral and physical fitness of the young man or lady
whom they contemplate marrying. Mothers are naturally concerned
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