Instead of a song that's very improper!
Or just suppose in a public place
You see a great fellow a-pulling a face,
With his staring eyes and his mouth like an O, -
And how is a poor deaf lady to know, -
The lower orders are up to such games -
If he's calling 'Green Peas,' or calling her names?"
("They're tenpence a peck!" said the deafest of dames.)

"'Tis strange what very strong advising,
By word of mouth, or advertising,
By chalking on wall, or placarding on vans,
With fifty other different plans,
The very high pressure, in fact, of pressing,
It needs to persuade one to purchase a blessing!
Whether the soothing American Syrup,
A Safety Hat, or a Safety Stirrup, -
Infallible Pills for the human frame,
Or Rowland's O-don't-O (an ominous name)!
A Doudney's suit which the shape so hits
That it beats all others into FITS;
A Mechi's razor for beards unshorn,
Or a Ghost-of-a-Whisper-Catching Horn!

"Try it again, ma'am, only try!"
Was still the voluble Pedlar's cry;
"It's a great privation, there's no dispute,
To live like the dumb unsociable brute,
And to hear no more of the pro and con,
And how Society's going on,