I don't pretend with horns of mine,
Like some in the advertising line,
To 'MAGNIFY SOUNDS' on such marvellous scales,
That the sounds of a cod seem as big as a whale's;
But popular rumours, right or wrong, -
Charity sermons, short or long, -
Lecture, speech, concerto, or song,
All noises and voices, feeble or strong,
From the hum of a gnat to the clash of a gong,
This tube will deliver distinct and clear;
Or, supposing by chance
You wish to dance,
Why it's putting a Horn-pipe into your ear!
Try it--buy it!
Buy it--try it!
The last New Patent, and nothing comes nigh it,
For guiding sounds to their proper tunnel:
Only try till the end of June,
And if you and the trumpet are out of tune
I'll turn it gratis into a funnel!"
In short, the pedlar so beset her, -
Lord Bacon couldn't have gammoned her better, -
With flatteries plump and indirect,
And plied his tongue with such effect, -
A tongue that could almost have buttered a crumpet:
The deaf old woman bought the Trumpet.

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