XX. He was broad-set, strong-limbed, and his features gave the idea of a
man in the act of straining himself. In consequence, one of the city
wits, upon the emperor's desiring him "to say something droll respecting
himself," facetiously answered, "I will, when you have done relieving
your bowels." [767] He enjoyed a good state of health, though he used no
other means to preserve it, than repeated friction, as much (459) as he
could bear, on his neck and other parts of his body, in the tennis-court
attached to the baths, besides fasting one day in every month.

XXI. His method of life was commonly this. After he became emperor, he
used to rise very early, often before daybreak. Having read over his
letters, and the briefs of all the departments of the government offices;
he admitted his friends; and while they were paying him their
compliments, he would put on his own shoes, and dress himself with his
own hands. Then, after the dispatch of such business as was brought
before him, he rode out, and afterwards retired to repose, lying on his
couch with one of his mistresses, of whom he kept several after the death
of Caenis [768]. Coming out of his private apartments, he passed to the
bath, and then entered the supper-room. They say that he was never more
good-humoured and indulgent than at that time: and therefore his
attendants always seized that opportunity, when they had any favour to
ask.

XXII. At supper, and, indeed, at other times, he was extremely free and
jocose. For he had humour, but of a low kind, and he would sometimes use
indecent language, such as is addressed to young girls about to be
married. Yet there are some things related of him not void of ingenious
pleasantry; amongst which are the following. Being once reminded by
Mestrius Florus, that plaustra was a more proper expression than plostra,