73. I cannot now express with what longings and breathings in my
soul, I cried to Christ to call me. Thus I continued for a time,
all on a flame to be converted to Jesus Christ; and did also see at
that day, such glory in a converted state, that I could not be
contented without a share therein. Gold! could it have been gotten
for gold, what would I have given for it? Had I had a whole world,
it had all gone ten thousand times over for this, that my soul
might have been in a converted state.

74. How lovely now was every one in my eyes, that I thought to be
converted men and women. They shone, they walked like a people
that carried the broad seal of heaven about them. Oh! I saw the
lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and they had a goodly
heritage. Psalm xvi. But that which made me sick, was that of
Christ, in St Mark, He goeth up into a mountain, and calleth unto
Him whom He would, and they came unto Him. Mark iii. 13.

75. This scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire in
my soul. That which made me fear, was this; lest Christ should
have no liking to me, for He called whom He would. But oh! the
glory that I saw in that condition, did still so engage my heart,
that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call, but I
presently wished, Would I had been in their clothes, would I had
been born Peter; would I had been born John; or, would I had been
by and had heard Him when He called them, how would I have cried, O
Lord, call me also! But, oh! I feared He would not call me.

76. And truly, the Lord let me go thus many months together, and
shewed me nothing; either that I was already, or should be called