hereafter: but at last after much time spent, and many groans to
God, that I might be made partaker of the holy and heavenly
calling; that word came in upon me: I will cleanse their blood,
that I have not cleansed, for the Lord dwelleth in Zion. Joel iii.
21. These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still
upon God; and signified unto me, that if I were not already, yet
time might come, I might be in truth converted unto Christ.

77. About this time I began to break my mind to those poor people
in Bedford, and to tell them my condition; which when they had
heard, they told Mr Gifford of me, who himself also took occasion
to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded of me, though
I think from little grounds: but he invited me to his house, where
I should hear him confer with others, about the dealings of God
with their souls; from all which I still received more conviction,
and from that time began to see something of the vanity and inward
wretchedness of my wicked heart; for as yet I knew no great matter
therein; but now it began to be discovered unto me, and also to
work at that rate as it never did before. Now I evidently found,
that lusts and corruptions put forth themselves within me, in
wicked thoughts and desires, which I did not regard before; my
desires also for heaven and life began to fail; I found also, that
whereas before my soul was full of longing after God, now it began
to hanker after every foolish vanity; yea, my heart would not be
moved to mind that which was good; it began to be careless, both of
my soul and heaven; it would now continually hang back, both to,
and in every duty; and was as a clog on the leg of a bird, to
hinder me from flying.

78. Nay, thought I, now I grow worse and worse: now I am farther