the more reckless I became. Mr Evelyn perceived that I kept late
hours, and looked haggard, as I well might; indeed, my position had
now become very awkward. Mr Evelyn knew well the sum that had been
left me, and how was I to account to him for the deficiency, if he
proposed that I should put it into the business? I should be ruined
in his opinion, and he never, I was convinced, would entrust the
happiness of his daughter to a young man who had been guilty of such
irregularities. At the same time, my love for her nearly amounted to
adoration. Never was there a more miserable being than I was for the
last six months previous to my coming of age, and to drown my misery
I plunged into every excess, and seldom, if ever, went to bed but in
a state of intoxication. Scheme after scheme did I propose to enable
me to conceal my fault, but I could hit upon nothing. The time
approached; I was within a few days of coming of age, when Mr Evelyn
sent for me and then spoke to me seriously, saying, that out of
regard to the memory of my father, with whom he had been very
intimate, he was willing to allow me to embark my little capital in
the business, and that he hoped that by my good conduct and
application I might soon become a useful partner. I stammered some
reply which surprised him; and he asked me to be more explicit. I
stated that I considered my capital too small to be of much use in
such a business as his, and that I preferred trying some quick method
of doubling it; that as soon as I had so done I would accept his
offer with gratitude. 'As you please,' replied he coolly; 'but take
care, that in risking all, you do not lose all. Of course, you are
your own master,' and so saying, he left me, apparently much
displeased and mortified. But circumstances occurred, which exposed
the whole affair. When in company with my evening companions, I
stated my intentions of trying my fortune in the East Indies, not
seriously, but talking at random. This came to the ears of the Jew of