general effect on the system was necessarily diminished, the conscious
relief obtained from each of its fractional parts was for a few
minutes more apparent than when these sub-divisions were first made.
In this way it was possible so to time the effect as to throw their
brief anodyne relief upon the dinner-hour or any other time when it
might be convenient to have the agony of the struggle a little
alleviated.

While I am not desirous of going into needless detail respecting all
the particular phenomena of the process through which I was now
passing, it may yet give the reader a more definite idea of the
extremely nervous state to which I was reduced, if I mention that so
nearly incapable had my hand become of holding a pen, that whenever it
was absolutely necessary for me to write a few lines I could only
manage it by taking the pen in one quivering hand, then grasp it with
the other to give it a little steadiness, watching for an interval in
the nervous twitching of the arm and hand, and then, making an
uncertain dash at the paper, scrawl a word or two at long
intervals. In this way I continued for several weeks to prepare the
few brief notes I was obliged to write. My signature at this period I
regard with some curiosity and more pride. It is certainly better than
that of Guido Faux, affixed to his examination after torture, though
it is hardly equal to the signature of Stephen Hopkins to the
Declaration of Independence.

Christmas Day found me in a deplorable condition. No symptom of
dissolving nature seemed alleviated; indeed the aggravation of the
previous ones, especially of the already unendurable irritation of the
stomach, was very obvious. In addition to this, the protracted
wakefulness at night began to tell upon the brain, and I resolved to