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Business Correspondence by Anonymous
page 51 of 354 (14%)

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As a matter of fact, the gentleman to whom this letter was sent had
written with a lead pencil on a post card asking for further
particulars regarding propositions to salesmen. It is a good
illustration of the form letter gone wrong. The inquirer had not
written a concise and business-like letter and there was not the
slightest reason why the firm should send him a personal and
confidential proposition and if the proposition were really
confidential, it would not be printed in a circular letter.

Here is the opening paragraph of a letter typical in its lack of
originality and attention-getting qualities:


"We are in receipt of yours of recent date and in reply wish to
state that you will find under separate cover a copy of our latest
catalogue, illustrating and describing our Wonder Lighting System.
We are sure the information contained in this catalogue will be of
interest to you."

* * * * *

Not only is the paragraph devoid of interest-getting features, but
it is written from the wrong standpoint--"we" instead of "you."

Re-write the paragraph and the reader is certain to have his
interest stimulated:

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