"Indeed! What a way to run a railroad! A man takes his life in his hand
when he rides on it. This is criminally reckless!"

"See here, mister! If you don't like this railroad you can get off and
walk. I am president of this road and its sole owner. I am also board
of directors, treasurer, secretary, general manager, superintendent,
paymaster, trackmaster, general passenger agent, general freight agent,
master mechanic, ticket agent, conductor, brakeman, and boss. This is
the Great Western Railroad of Kentucky, six miles long, with termini at
Harrodsburg and Harrodsburg Junction. This is the only train on the road of
any kind, and ahead of us is the only engine. We never have collisions. The
engineer does his own firing, and runs the repair shop and round-house all
by himself. He and I run this railway. It keeps us pretty busy, but we've
always got time to stop and eject a sassy passenger. So you want to behave
yourself and go through with us, or you will have your baggage set off here
by the haystack!"


2. EXPLANATION

[To ridicule extravagant explanations that do not explain--or unreasonable
pretensions to antiquity.]


An old Scotch lady, who had no relish for modern church music, was
expressing her dislike to the singing of an anthem in her own church one
day, when a neighbor said: "Why, that is a very old anthem! David sang that
anthem to Saul." To this the old lady replied: "Weel, weel! I noo for the
first time understan' why Saul threw his javelin at David when the lad sang