"Where is your orange robe? You can't be a swami without that!"

But I was inexplicably thrilled by his words. They brought a clear
picture of myself roaming about India as a monk. Perhaps they
awakened memories of a past life; in any case, I began to see with
what natural ease I would wear the garb of that anciently-founded
monastic order.

Chatting one morning with Dwarka, I felt a love for God descending
with avalanchic force. My companion was only partly attentive to
the ensuing eloquence, but I was wholeheartedly listening to myself.

I fled that afternoon toward Naini Tal in the Himalayan foothills.
Ananta gave determined chase; I was forced to return sadly to
Bareilly. The only pilgrimage permitted me was the customary one
at dawn to the SHEOLI tree. My heart wept for the lost Mothers,
human and divine.

The rent left in the family fabric by Mother's death was irreparable.
Father never remarried during his nearly forty remaining years.
Assuming the difficult role of Father-Mother to his little flock,
he grew noticeably more tender, more approachable. With calmness
and insight, he solved the various family problems. After office
hours he retired like a hermit to the cell of his room, practicing
KRIYA YOGA in a sweet serenity. Long after Mother's death, I attempted
to engage an English nurse to attend to details that would make my
parent's life more comfortable. But Father shook his head.

[Illustration: My Mother, A Disciple of Lahiri Mahasaya--see
mother.jpg]