hateful when they reproach their friends on the score of services which
he on whom they were bestowed ought to bear in mind, but which it is
unbecoming for him who conferred them to recount.

Those who are superior ought, undoubtedly, not only to waive all
pretension in friendly intercourse, but to do what they can to raise
their humbler friends to their own level.[l] There are some who give
their friends trouble by imagining that they are held in low esteem,
which, however, is not apt to be the case except with those who think
meanly of themselves. Those who feel thus ought to be raised to a just
self-esteem, not only by kind words, but by substantial service. But
what you do for any one must be measured, first by your own ability, and
then by the capacity of him whom you would favor and help. For, however
great your influence may be, you cannot raise all your friends to the
highest positions. Thus Scipio could effect the election of Publius
Rupilius to the consulship; but he could not do the same for his brother
Lucius.[2] In general, friendships that are properly so called are
formed between persons of mature years and established character; nor if
young men have been fond of hunting or of ball-playing, is there any
need of permanent attachment to those whom they then liked as associates
in the same sport. On this principle our nurses and the slaves that led
us to school will demand by right of priority the highest grade

[1 Or, as it might be rendered by supplying a _se_ "so ought the humbler
to do what they can to raise themselves." Some of the commentators
prefer this sense; but if Cicero meant _se,_ I think that he would have
written it.]

[2 The brother of Publius Rupilius, not his own brother.]