gun on me. 'Tis a thrait iv us Anglo-Saxons that we look on an inimy as
a target. If ye hit him ye get three good see-gars. We're like people
that dhreams iv fights. In me dhreams I niver lost wan fight. A man I
niver saw befure comes up an' says something mane to me, that I can't
raymimber, an' I climb into him an' 'tis all over in a minyit. He niver
hits me, or if he does I don't feel it. I put him on his back an' bate
him to death. An' thin I help mesilf to his watch an' chain an' me
frinds come down an' say, 'Martin, ye haven't a scratch,' an' con-
grathlate me, an' I wandher ar-roun' th' sthreets with a chip on me
shoulder till I look down an' see that I haven't a stitch on me but a
short shirt. An' thin I wake up. Th' list iv knock-outs to me credit in
dhreams wud make Fitzsimmons feel poor. But ne'er a wan iv thim was
printed in th' pa-apers."

"'Tis so with me frinds, th' hands acrost th' sea. They wint to sleep
an' had a dhream. An' says they: 'We will sind down to South Africa thim
gallant throops that have won so manny hard-fought reviews,' they says,
'captained,' they says, 'be th' flower iv our aristocracy,' they says.
'An' whin th' Boers come out ar-rmed with rollin' pins an' bibles,' they
says, 'We'll just go at thim,' they says, 'an' walk through thim an'
that night we'll have a cotillyon at Pretoria to which all frinds is
invited,' they says. An' so they deposit their intellects in th' bank at
home, an' th' absent-minded beggars goes out in thransports iv
pathreetism an' pothry. An' they'se a meetin' iv th' cabinet an' 'tis
decided that as th' war will on'y las' wan week 'twill be well f'r to
begin renamin' th' cities iv th' Thransvaal afther pop'lar English
statesmen--Joechamberlainville an' Rhodesdorp an' Beitfontein. F'r they
have put their hands to th' plough an' th' sponge is squeezed dhry, an'
th' sands iv th' glass have r-run out an' th' account is wiped clean."