"If iver I wanted to go to war," said Mr. Dooley, "an' I niver did, th'
desire has passed fr'm me iv late. Ivry time I read iv th' desthructive
power iv modhern explosives col' chills chase each other up an' down me
spine."

"What's this here stuff they calls lyddite?" Mr. Hennessy asked.

"Well, 'tis th' divvle's own med'cine," said Mr. Dooley. "Compared with
lyddite joynt powdher is Mrs. Winslow's soothin' surup, an' ye cud lave
th' childher play base-ball with a can iv dinnymite. 'Tis as sthrong as
Gin'ral Crownjoy's camp th' day iv th' surrinder an' almost as sthrong
as th' pollytics iv Montana. Th' men that handles it is cased in six
inch armor an' played on be a hose iv ice wather. Th' gun that shoots it
is always blown up be th' discharge. Whin this deadly missile flies
through th' air, th' threes ar-re withered an' th' little bur-rds falls
dead fr'm th' sky, fishes is kilt in th' rivers, an' th' tillyphone
wires won't wurruk. Th' keen eyed British gunners an' corryspondints
watches it in its hellish course an' tur-rn their faces as it falls into
th' Boer trench. An' oh! th' sickly green fumes it gives off, jus' like
pizen f'r potato bugs! There is a thremenjous explosion. Th' earth is
thrown up f'r miles. Horses, men an' gun carredges ar-re landed in th'
British camp whole. Th' sun is obscured be Boer whiskers turned green.
Th' heart iv th' corryspondint is made sick be th' sight, an' be th'
thought iv th' fearful carnage wrought be this dhread desthroyer in th'
ranks iv th' brave but misguided Dutchmen. Th' nex' day deserters fr'm
th' Boer ranks reports that they have fled fr'm th' camp, needin' a
dhrink an' onable to stand th' scenes iv horror. They announce that th'
whole Boer ar-rmy is as green as wall paper, an' th' Irish brigade has
sthruck because ye can't tell their flag fr'm th' flag iv th' r-rest iv