well that it was not in my power then to give up prayer, because
He held me in His hand Who sought me that He might show me
greater mercies.

29. O my God! if I might, I would speak of the occasions from
which God delivered me, and how I threw myself into them again;
and of the risks I ran of losing utterly my good name, from which
He delivered me. I did things to show what I was; and our Lord
hid the evil, and revealed some little virtue--if so be I had
any--and made it great in the eyes of all, so that they always
held me in much honour. For although my follies came
occasionally into light, people would not believe it when they
saw other things, which they thought good. The reason is, that
He Who knoweth all things saw it was necessary it should be so,
in order that I might have some credit given me by those to whom
in after years I was to speak of His service. His supreme
munificence regarded not my great sins, but rather the desires I
frequently had to please Him, and the pain I felt because I had
not the strength to bring those desires to good effect.

30. O Lord of my soul! how shall I be able to magnify the graces
which Thou, in those years, didst bestow upon me? Oh, how, at
the very time that I offended Thee most, Thou didst prepare me in
a moment, by a most profound compunction, to taste of the
sweetness of Thy consolations and mercies! In truth, O my King,
Thou didst administer to me the most delicate and painful
chastisement it was possible for me to bear; for Thou knewest
well what would have given me the most pain. Thou didst chastise
my sins with great consolations. I do not believe I am saying
foolish things, though it may well be that I am beside myself