joy and comfort. But as for asking our Lord to give me either
these things or sweetness in devotion, I never dared to do it;
the only thing I prayed Him to give me was the grace never to
offend Him, together with the forgiveness of my great sins.
When I saw that my sins were so great, I never ventured
deliberately to ask for consolation or for sweetness. He had
compassion enough upon me, I think--and, in truth, He dealt with
me according to His great mercy--when He allowed me to stand
before Him, and when He drew me into His presence; for I saw
that, if He had not drawn me, I should not have come at all.

11. Once only in my life do I remember asking for consolation,
being at the time in great aridities. When I considered what I
had done, I was so confounded, that the very distress I suffered
from seeing how little humility I had, brought me that which I
had been so bold as to ask for. I knew well that it was lawful
to pray for it; but it seemed to me that it is lawful only for
those who are in good dispositions, who have sought with all
their might to attain to true devotion--that is, not to offend
God, and to be disposed and resolved for all goodness. I looked
upon those tears of mine as womanish and weak, seeing that I did
not obtain my desires by them; nevertheless, I believe that they
did me some service; for, specially after those two occasions of
great compunction and sorrow of heart, [7] accompanied by tears,
of which I am speaking, I began in an especial way to give myself
more to prayer, and to occupy myself less with those things which
did me harm--though I did not give them up altogether. But God
Himself, as I have just said, came to my aid, and helped me to
turn away from them. As His Majesty was only waiting for some
preparation on my part, the spiritual graces grew in me as I