They can't, like candidate for other seat,
Pour seas of wine, and mountains raise of meat.
Wine! they could bribe you with the world as soon,
And of 'Roast Beef,' they only know the tune:
But what they have they give; could Clive[3] do more,
Though for each million he had brought home four?
Shuter[4] keeps open house at Southwark fair,
And hopes the friends of humour will be there; 30
In Smithfield, Yates[5] prepares the rival treat
For those who laughter love, instead of meat;
Foote,[6] at Old House,--for even Foote will be,
In self-conceit, an actor,--bribes with tea;
Which Wilkinson[7] at second-hand receives,
And at the New, pours water on the leaves.
The town divided, each runs several ways,
As passion, humour, interest, party sways.
Things of no moment, colour of the hair,
Shape of a leg, complexion brown or fair, 40
A dress well chosen, or a patch misplaced,
Conciliate favour, or create distaste.
From galleries loud peals of laughter roll,
And thunder Shuter's praises; he's so droll.
Embox'd, the ladies must have something smart,
Palmer! oh! Palmer[8] tops the jaunty part.
Seated in pit, the dwarf with aching eyes,
Looks up, and vows that Barry's[9] out of size;
Whilst to six feet the vigorous stripling grown,
Declares that Garrick is another Coan.[10] 50
When place of judgment is by whim supplied,
And our opinions have their rise in pride;