lived to reach his native shores. He had formed an acquaintance with Sir
Charles Pole, Sir Thomas Troubridge, and other distinguished officers,
then, like himself, beginning their career: he had left them pursuing
that career in full enjoyment of health and hope, and was returning,
from a country in which all things were to him new and interesting,
with a body broken down by sickness, and spirits which had sunk with his
strength. Long afterwards, when the name of Nelson was known as widely
as that of England itself, he spoke of the feelings which he at this
time endured. "I felt impressed," said he, "with a feeling that I should
never rise in my profession. My mind was staggered with a view of the
difficulties I had to surmount and the little interest I possessed. I
could discover no means of reaching the object of my ambition. After a
long and gloomy reverie, in which I almost wished myself overboard, a
sudden glow of patriotism was kindled within me, and presented my king
and country as my patron. 'Well then,' I exclaimed, 'I will be a hero!
and, confiding in Providence, I will brave every danger!'"

Long afterwards Nelson loved to speak of the feelings of that moment;
and from that time, he often said, a radiant orb was suspended in his
mind's eye, which urged him onward to renown. The state of mind in
which these feelings began, is what the mystics mean by their season of
darkness and desertion. If the animal spirits fail, they represent it
as an actual temptation. The enthusiasm of Nelson's nature had taken a
different direction, but its essence was the same. He knew to what the
previous state of dejection was to be attributed; that an enfeebled
body, and a mind depressed, had cast this shade over his soul; but he
always seemed willing to believe that the sunshine which succeeded
bore with it a prophetic glory, and that the light which led him on was
"light from heaven."