_Treasurer_. "All sold, sir. Play draws better than _Ours_!"

_Misanthropic Critic_. Well! no matter. I only wanted to send my
mother-in-law, knowing that the house must take fire some night. However,
I'll read the play to her instead; if she survives that, she isn't mortal.

* * * * *

_Suggestion kindly made to Manager Moss_.--Have the fire scene take
place in the first act, and let all the _dramatis personae_ perish in
the flames. Thus shall the audience be spared the vulgar profanity of
STODDART'S "Comic Villain," the absurdity of WALLACK'S "Coram," the twaddle
of HIELD'S "Virtuous Banker," and the impossible imbecility of FISHER'S
"Unprincipled Clerk." Miss GERMON in trowsers, and Miss HENRIQUES in tears,
are very nice; but they do not quite redeem the wretchedness of the play.
The sooner Mr. Moss gives up his present flame and returns to his early
love--legitimate comedy--the better.

MATADOR.

* * * * *

HOW TO BEHAVE AT A THEATRE.


MR. PUNCHINELLO: I take it you are willing to receive useful information.
Of course you are--Why? Because, while you may be humorous, you intend also
to be sensible. I have in my day been to the theatre not a little. I have
seen many plays and many audiences. I know--or, at least, think I do--what
is good acting, and--what good manners. Suffer me, then, briefly to give