money by going to college, shooting lions, and raising a large
family. During the Spanish-American War he employed a troop of
rough riders, stormed San Juan Hill, and got into the
newspapers. Made up his mind he would stay there. R. became
governor of New York State with ambitions. Being a wealthy
man, and capable of contributing to the cause of the Republican
party, he was elected vice-president of the United States. A
hand other than his own made him president. Here his newspaper
career really began. R. first opened a three-ring circus in
the White House, wore a rough rider hat, and told the country
what a great president he was. The voters believed him, and
did not object to four years more. During this administration
R. successfully advertised himself, the family, started the
Panama Canal, and appointed one William Howard Taft (see Poor
Bill) his successor. R. then traveled through Africa with a
magnificent body guard of photographers and newspaper men.
After shooting a museum-full of specimens, he toured Europe and
told the king how to king and the emperors how to emp.
Returning to the United States he placed his hand in state
politics. Fingers were badly burned. When it came time to
elect another president, R. was tired of scene shifting and
yearned for the bouquets of the audience. He girded up his
loins with the robes of sanctity, placed an international
Harvester Trust halo over his head, and proclaimed himself a
second Moses who was destined to lead the children of America
out of the Land of the Frying Pan into that of the Fire. With
a mighty army of politicians, who also wanted to get back, R.
started his campaign with such a huge band he could not hear
any others. The fight was based on telling the voters how
easily they had been deceived four years earlier in what he had