heavy commuters of the railroad just referred to, who decline to pay
double fare for stopping at Newark, and who sometimes even object to
being ejected for non-payment of said perfectly fair fare.

In practical operation this machine is at once simple and complete. It
is also refined, elevating, symmetrical, and chaste. By properly
adjusting it, a railroad conductor can easily lift a recalcitrant
passenger, and project him through one of the windows of the car,
(provided said window is large enough to admit of such exit,) into any
selected pool, or pond, or quagmire, or any other sort of mire, of the
miasmatic salt meadows, with the produce of which Morris and Essex stock
is so satisfactorily salted down.

Recent experiments upon pinguid and repudiating commuters, in the old
way of bullying, coaxing, and "soft-sawdering," have proved to be utter
failures. The united forces of a conductor and two brakesmen of the
Morris and Essex R.R. proved, in a late instance of a member of the Fat
Men's Club, quite inadequate to the ejection of that person from the car
of which he occupied a conspicuous fraction. The obese fellow declined
to have his ticket punched, and defied the officers of the road to come
on and punch his head. It is for the expulsion of such blisters upon the
social cuticle that PUNCHINELLO'S invention has been specially devised.

As it is intended solely for the use and benefit of railroad managers,
no further particulars respecting it will be supplied to recalcitrant
commuters unless their applications are accompanied with Four Dollars,
respectively--the regulated price of one year's subscription to
PUNCHINELLO'S witty, plastic, unrivalled, intermittent, hebdomadal
publication. Should no purchase of the patent in question be made by the
directory of the Morris and Essex Railroad, however, PUNCHINELLO will