then meet contingencies by condensing the machine, reducing it so much
in size that a commuter may easily carry one in his waistcoat pocket, to
be ready, when necessary, for extracting an insolent conductor out of
his boots; or, should the occasion arise, for the immediate evulsion
from office of the autocratic President of the concern, himself.

* * * * *

LOCAL.

The enterprising reporter who discovered an earthquake in the eastern
districts of the city, a few days since, has been obliged to employ a
snake-charmer to extract from his left boot an immense anaconda that had
effected a lodgement there.

[Illustration: FOLLOWING SUIT.-A Possible Sort of Reta(i)liation.

"GOOD GRACIOUS, ARABELLA! DO BE CAREFUL--YOU'VE GOT YOUR FOOT ON THE
GENTLEMAN'S TRAIN!"

"WELL, HOW CAN ONE HELP IT, WHEN THOSE ABSURD TRAINS ARE ALWAYS GETTING
UNDER ONE'S FEET?"]

* * * * *

THE FEMALE GENTLEMAN.

A MOURNFUL BALLAD OF THE PERIOD.

A certain fair young maid,