When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so
he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to
wear, doorin' the funeral services.

Thinks I, that was shovin' a good thing rather too deep in the ground,
merely for the sake of pilin' on the agony.

However, that's the way of the world; larnin' will stick out, and you
can't atop her.

That son of your'n, FRITZ, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer.

If he haint in that precarious situation which SARY F. NORTON calls
"mummery," and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest
folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go
further and fare a site wusser, than to come over here and examine my
stock of risin' feminine genders.

Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz
as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals won't be troubled
to death by keepin' a cook to boss 'em around.

Doorin' the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin' in the
sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, MARIAR'S
biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way
a big dinner at DELMONICO'S, N.Y., will flop over a New York Alderman.

The surest way of gettin' round a public man, is via his stomack.