What are your duties?

In the first place, you must prepare yourself for the wedding by
a course of training extending for over a month or more prior to
the actual event. It should be your aim to work yourself into
such a condition that you can go for three nights without sleep,
talk for hours to the most impossibly stupid of young women, and
consume an unending amount of alcohol. You are then prepared for
the bachelor dinner, the bridal dinner, the bridesmaids, the
wedding, and the wedding reception.


DUTIES OF THE BEST MAN

Upon your arrival in the city where the wedding is to take place
you will be met by the bridegroom, who will take you to the home
of the bride where you are to stay. There you are met by the
bride's father. "This is my best man," says the groom. "The best
man?" replies her father. "Well, may the best man win." At once
you reply, "Ha! Ha! Ha!" He then says, "Is this your first visit
to Chicago?" to which the correct answer is, "Yes, sir, but I
hope it isn't my last."

The bride's mother then appears. "This is my best man," says the
groom. "Well," says she, "remember--the best man doesn't always
win." "Ha! Ha! Ha!" you at once reply. "Is this your first visit
to Chicago?" says she, to which you answer, "Yes--but I hope it
isn't my last."

You are then conducted to your room, where you are left alone to