82. But all this while, as to the act of sinning, I was never more
tender than now: my hinder parts were inward: I durst not take a
pin or stick, though but so big as a straw; for my conscience now
was sore, and would smart at every touch: I could not now tell how
to speak my words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, how
gingerly did I then go, in all I did or said! I found myself as on
a miry bog, that shook if I did but stir, and was, as there, left
both of God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things.

83. But I observed, though I was such a great sinner before
conversion, yet God never much charged the guilt of the sins of my
ignorance upon me; only He showed me, I was lost if I had not
Christ, because I had been a sinner: I saw that I wanted a perfect
righteousness to present me without fault before God, and this
righteousness was no where to be found, but in the Person of Jesus
Christ.

84. But my original and inward pollution; That, that was my plague
and affliction, that I saw at a dreadful rate, always putting forth
itself within me; that I had the guilt of, to amazement; by reason
of that, I was more loathsome in mine own eyes than was a toad, and
I thought I was so in God's eyes too: Sin and corruption, I said,
would as naturally bubble out of my heart, as water would bubble
out of a fountain: I thought now, that every one had a better
heart than I had; I could have changed heart with any body; I
thought none but the devil himself could equalise me for inward
wickedness and pollution of mind. I fell therefore at the sight of
my own vileness deeply into despair; for I concluded, that this
condition that I was in, could not stand with a state of grace.
Sure, thought I, I am forsaken of God; sure, I am given up to the