George made a mistake comin' home, or if he did come home he ought've
invistigated his welcome and see that it wasn't mined. A man cud stand
up all day an' lave Packy Mountjoy whale away at him, but th' affiction
iv th' American people is always aimed thrue an' is invaryably fatal."

"Th' la-ad Dougherty was in to-day, an' he exprissed th' feelin's iv
this grateful raypublic. He says, says he, 'This fellow Dewey ain't what
I thought he was,' he says. 'I thought he was a good, broad, lib'ral
man, an' it turns out he's a cheap skate,' he says. 'We made too much
fuss over him,' he says. 'To think,' he says, 'iv him takin' th' house
we give him an' tur-rnin' it over to his wife,' he says. ''Tis
scand'lous,' he says. 'How much did ye con-thribute?' says I. 'I didn't
give annything,' he says 'The collector didn't come around, an' I'm glad
now I hung on to me coin,' he says. 'Well,' says I, 'I apprechate ye'er
feelin's,' I says. 'Ye agree with th' other subscribers,' I says. 'But
I've med up me mind not to lave annywan talk to me about Dewey,' I says,
'unless,' I says, 'he subscribed th' maximum amount iv th'
subscription,' I says, 'thirty-eight cints,' I says. 'So I'll thank ye
to tip-toe out,' I says, 'befure I give ye a correct imitation iv Dewey
an' Mountjoy at th' battle of Manila,' I says. An' he wint away."

"Th' throuble with Dewey is he was so long away he lost his
undherstanding iv th' thrue feelin' iv th' American people. George r-
read th' newspapers, an' he says to himself: 'Be hivins, they think well
iv what I done. I guess I'll put a shirt in me thrunk an' go home, f'r
'tis hot out here, an' ivrybody'll be glad f'r to see me,' he says. An'
he come along, an' New York was r-ready f'r him. Th' business in
neckties had been poor that summer, an' they was necessity f'r pullin'
it together, an' they give George a welcome an' invited his admirers
fr'm th' counthry to come in an' buy something f'r th' little wans at